The Wisconsin Martins

Princesses, in pop culture, are beautiful, wealthy, and honored. They’re adored in public. They’re chased after by handsome princes. They own lots of gorgeous clothes and participate in endless balls. They’re looked after by armies of servants. Everyone defers to them and rushes to meet their needs. It’s good to be a princess.

It’s good to be a princess but there are no princesses in the Martin family. Our reasons are mainly theological, so if you’re not a Christian you may very well find them to be nonsensical or overwrought.

I first started thinking about princesses when I read Look at me! I’m a princess! 2 years ago. Kerrie Newmarch talks about the pop culture infatuation with princesses and the ways that that infatuation has found it’s way into Christian culture as well. As Kerrie draws out, ultimately being a princess is having the world be all about you. It’s having the world recognize your beauty, recognize your importance, meet your needs, and generally defer to you.

But, for a Christian, it’s not all about me. It’s all about God. The Westminister Catechism addresses this right up front, in the first question.

Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.

This is made quite clear in the Bible, in such passages as Romans 11:36

For from him [God] and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

and 1 Corithinians 6:20, 10:31

for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. … So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God

and Revelation 4:11

“Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.”

As Christians, we’re commanded to draw attention to God, not to ourselves. While it’s true that God is our King, we primarily relate to him as our father. It’s much more important to be His children than to be his Prince or Princess. As Kerrie puts it:

It seems that being a princess focuses on how the world sees us, whereas being a daughter is at the centre on how our heavenly Father sees us. It seems to me that no king deals with his child as ‘princess’ in preference to ‘daughter’. Focussing on ‘princess’ puts us in danger of emphasizing how the world sees us, rather than how God sees us.

As we look at Romans 8:16-17, it is useful to think about the language used in the preceding verses. The teaching is presented in the descriptive language of family. In verse 12, Paul uses the term ‘brothers’ when encouraging fellow believers to live by the Spirit. In verse 15, he tell us that we cry out to “Abba, Father”. These are not the words that are used to address royalty or sovereignty, but words that express relationship and intimacy.

… We are children of our heavenly father and subjects of the king at the one and same time. We do not need to swap ‘daughter’ for ‘princess’. I recognize that the image of ‘princess’ seems more powerful and hopeful for women who have had absent or abusive fathers, but we shouldn’t underplay the healing power, joy, sense of purpose and worth that comes in the experience of being God’s child. This is the true teaching of God’s word. It is the gospel that makes all of my hopes of “wrongs being made right, good overcoming evil and living happily ever after” a reality.

It’s also important to consider how we relate to others around us. Christine and I want to raise our daughters to be loving, kind, forgiving, and humble. As I’ve said before, princesses are commonly seen being adored by massive crowds and dancing at beautiful balls. The princess myth doesn’t seem to match up too well to the virtues of humility and self-sacrificing service. Here’s what the Bible has to say about our interactions with each other.

Romans 12

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned

… Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

… Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

Galatians 5

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Ephesians 4

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 5

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Philippians 2

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Colossians 3

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1 Peter 5

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

This is what it means to be a son or daughter of God. We don’t have princes or princesses in our house. Not because it’s wrong to be beautiful or admired. And not because it’s wrong to dress up in pretty clothes, play pretend, or act elegant. I’m in favor of all of those things. But it’s better to see God’s beauty, creativity, strength, and power. It’s better to admire God. And we want to do everything we can to teach our daughters to look to God instead of looking to themselves.

Do, by the way, read Kerrie Newmarch’s full article, Look at me! I’m a princess!. It’s very, very good and she deals with far more of the princess myth than I ever would.

I read a lot of fiction books, probably 5-7 a month. I read far fewer non-fiction books. I buy a lot of non-fiction books. I see a lot of very interesting ones on a lot of very interesting topics. I buy them, put them on my shelf, and even start reading them. But I do a really lousy job of finishing them.

This year, I want to finish them. My New Year’s Resolution is to finish more non-fiction books than I start.

When we moved to Wisconsin, we knew it would be tough. Our closest relatives are 9 hours away. The next closest are 12 hours away. This makes it somewhat difficult to spend our holidays with relatives. Christmas is occasionally doable, but Thanksgiving and Easter are generally right out.

I was used to this growing up. I grew up in Norfolk, a naval town. I lived 8-12 hours away from most of my extended family there too. But it was different. Growing up, 90% of the people we knew also had family living 8-80 hours away. On holidays, everyone would get together and celebrate with their extended “family”. It was the very rare Thanksgiving or Christmas that didn’t see us getting together with friends. I never felt lonely on the holidays.

Here, in Wisconsin, we frequently feel lonely. Most of our friends fit into one of two categories.

1. Their family lives either right in town or just a few hours away. Consequently, they’re always spending holiday time with their families.

2. They have no children, so it’s pretty easy to jet home for the holiday. Consequently, they’re almost always spending holiday time with their families.

While my circumstances haven’t really changed since I grew up, my circle of friends definitely has. The end result is that we rarely spend time with our families for the holidays and we rarely have any friends free and in-town to spend the holidays with. I’m having trouble coping with the slimmed down holidays. It’s even worse for my wife. She grew up as one of the people in category #1. She always got together with her entire extended family for holidays. Now she’s trying to adjust to not having family around. It’s not easy. But we want to be clear that we don’t blame our friends for their blessings. We’re genuinely happy that they get to enjoy time with their families for the holidays. It really is a treat to be able to do that.

But I would like to mention something that does perturb me.

My wife recently heard some people complaining about family being the worst part of the holidays. To these people, I have one simple request: shut up. Please. I’m getting angry and disgusted listening to you whining about what a burden your family is. If your family is such a burden, please tell them to stay home. Then, free from their burdensome company, feel free to come over to our house for Thanksgiving. We’d love the company. Until then, you should realize that starving people don’t really understand why you’re complaining about the quality of the turbaconducken.

We don’t do much gaming, here in the Martin household. There are multiple reasons for that.

1. Games for experts. I like Checkers and am pretty good at it. Christine likes Scrabble and is pretty good at it. I’m not good at Scrabble and Christine isn’t good at Checkers. So, we don’t enjoy playing each other’s games very much. We’re both interested in learning Go, but it’s a game that can take a lifetime to master. That might be fun in 5 years, but what about when we just want some quick fun for a date night?

2. Too many kids games. I’m just not that into Uno, Sorry, or Candyland. They don’t have much (any) opportunity for strategy or true competition. They’re too simple and basic for me to get into them when we play.

3. The games take too long. Monopoly and Risk: I’m looking at you. A game that takes 3-5 hours to play is a non-starter in a household with young children involved. There’s just never that much time free, to play.

So what should we play? Wired says that we should be looking at the growing list of German board games.

Wired describes the options like this.

There are so-called lifestyle games, like Scrabble and chess, intellectual skill-based games whose devotees are interested in playing little else; party games like Trivial Pursuit and Jenga; and traditional strategy games like Risk and Monopoly, which are generally seen as child’s play or possibly something to do while trapped in a snowstorm without power—just before you eat your own foot.

… Monopoly also fails with many adults because it requires almost no strategy. The only meaningful question in the game is: To buy or not to buy? Most of its interminable three- to four-hour average playing time (length being another maddening trait) is spent waiting for other players to roll the dice, move their pieces, build hotels, and collect rent. Board game enthusiasts disparagingly call this a “roll your dice, move your mice” format.

German-style games, on the other hand, avoid direct conflict. Violence in particular is taboo in Germany’s gaming culture, a holdover from decades of post-World War II soul-searching. In fact, when Parker Brothers tried to introduce Risk there in 1982, the government threatened to ban it on the grounds that it might encourage imperialist and militaristic impulses in the nation’s youth. (The German rules for Risk were hastily rewritten so players could “liberate” their opponents’ territories, and censors let it slide.)

Instead of direct conflict, German-style games tend to let players win without having to undercut or destroy their friends. This keeps the game fun, even for those who eventually fall behind. Designed with busy parents in mind, German games also tend to be fast, requiring anywhere from 15 minutes to a little more than an hour to complete. They are balanced, preventing one person from running away with the game while the others painfully play out their eventual defeat. And the best ones stay fresh and interesting game after game.

Wired recommends — in fact, it’s the reason for the article — the German game Settlers of Catan.

Instead of a traditional fold-out board, for example, Settlers has the 19 hexagonal tiles, each representing one of five natural resources—wooded forests, sheep-filled meadows, mountains ripe for quarrying. At the beginning of every game, they’re arranged at random into an island. Next, numbered tokens marked from 2 to 12 are placed on each tile to indicate which dice rolls will yield a given resource. Because the tiles get reshuffled after every game, you get a new board every time you play.

The idea is that players establish settlements in various locations on the board, and those settlements collect resource cards whenever the token number for the tile they are sitting on gets rolled. By redeeming these resource cards in specific combinations (it takes a hand of wood, brick, wheat, and wool to build a new settlement, for instance), you expand your domain. Every settlement is worth a point, cities are two points, and the first player to earn 10 points wins. You can’t get ahead by rustling your opponents’ sheep or torching their cute wooden houses.

One of the driving factors in Settlers—and one of the secrets to its success—is that nobody has reliable access to all five resources. This means players must swap cards to get what they need, creating a lively and dynamic market, which works like any other: If ore isn’t rolled for several turns, it becomes more valuable. “Even in this tiny, tiny microcosm of life, scarcity leads to higher prices, and plenty leads to lower prices,” says George Mason University economist Russ Roberts, who uses Settlers to teach his four children how free markets work.

Wheeling and dealing turns out to be an elegant solution to one of the big problems plaguing Monopoly—sitting idle while other players take their turns. Since every roll of the dice in Settlers has the potential to reap a new harvest of resource cards, unleash a flurry of negotiations, and change the balance of the board, every turn engages all the players. “The secret of Catan is that you have to bargain and sometimes whine,” Teuber says.

It sounds like fun to me. Settlers is a game for 3-4 players. The girls are too young for it right now, so we’d only be able to play when friends or family are visiting. We should have family visiting for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, which would be a great opportunity to play.

If we buy it, would any of our Madison friends be up for some games in the new year and beyond?

It’ll be a while before our little crew is ready to join us at the gaming table. That’s why I’m also looking for recommendations for some good 2 person games that Christine and I can play together.

It’s finally and fully official. Plane tickets were purchased this morning and accommodations were confirmed through hearsay.

We’ll be on vacation, in the Virginia Beach area, for 13 days. We’re flying from Madison to Norfolk on Monday, December 28th. The flight from Madison to Chicago will be on United 5962 and from Chicago to Norfolk on United 7052. We should arrive in Norfolk at 2PM. We’ll be staying in Norfolk until Saturday, January 9th. (Our return flight leaves at 12:40PM.)

We’re flying down as one giant traveling party, consisting mainly (but possibly not entirely) of my parents, two of my siblings, my wife and me, and our two daughters. The official impetus for the visit is the impending nuptials of my brother and his fiancee. (To each other, fortunately enough.) The wedding will occur in the middle of our visit, on Sunday, January 3.

During our stay, we will be available for dinners, lunches, siestas, fiestas, and gab fests. We’ll be available in any combination you wish to host (or possibly guest). We’ll also be available as one large group, should you wish to extend your madness that far. Inquiries may be directed to the management. Raspberries may be directed towards those who care.

We’re looking forward to seeing all of our Virginia Beach area family and friends. Ya’ll stay there now, ya here?

Welcome to Oregon, Wisconsin where the current temperature is 60 degrees (F) and the projected high for the day is a balmy 68 degrees (F).

The high has been under 80 degrees 13 out of 17 days this month. The high has been under 70 degrees 3 out of 17 days this month. It sure doesn’t feel like summer to me.

UPDATE: You may have seen spam gibberish instead of this post earlier. I think I’ve fixed it. Oh, and it’s currently 67 out.

Well, we didn’t end up going down to Norfolk / Virginia Beach for Independence Day like we wanted to.

When we traveled to Florida, we had to buy 3 plane tickets: 1 each for Christine, Esther, and me. We carried Katya on our laps. She was pretty squirmy and pretty determined to explore the plane. We didn’t let her, but holding her was a bit like holding self aware jello.

We knew we’d need to buy 4 tickets for fly down to Virginia. (We considered driving but 17 hours is really pushing things with 2 toddlers.) We checked and saw that ticket prices were around $300 and realized it would cost us $1200 just to get to Virginia, on top of whatever we decided to spend while we were there. Philip is getting married in January, so if we went in the summer we’d be flying twice in 6 months.

So, we canceled the summer trip to the beach in favor of a winter trip to somewhere warmer than Madison. That also let me use my vacation time around Christmas / New Year’s / wedding.

I got to calculating and decided what I’d take:

• Friday, November 27, so I can have a 4 day weekend around Thanksgiving.
• Thursday, December 24 through Sunday, January 10. That will give me time to spend with my parents while they’re in country and in Oregon (WI) for Christmas. That will also let us all travel to Norfolk together (I’m sticking Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Hallie with the girls so I can enjoy the trip) and have time to catch us with old friends.

I still have another 2.5 vacation days that I need to take before the year is out. Anyone want to come visit us?

We had a lot of fun with our girls this weekend. On Saturday, we setup Esther’s pool and let her splash in it for the first time this year. She had fun, even though the water was still cold.

Esther had fun watching the pool fill up, once Papa told her that it was “just like the bathtub”.

Papa had to help Esther climb up the slide. It was very slippery, since someone put soap on it last year.

As you can see from Esther’s expression, it was a cold splash at the bottom!

Tonight, after cooking steak on the grill, we took the girls outside for some s’mores. Esther had fun helping Momma with the marshmallows. She also knows all about grill safety: she loudly told Katya “Hot, Katya! Hot! Go around and around and around!” This was while I was still holding Katya.

Katya watched the proceedings from her camp chair. She jumped up and down it. She thinks she’s pretty big stuff now that she can climb into the chair by herself and stand up in it.

Papa carefully put her chair in the grass so she’d have a soft landing when she dumped it. (Which she did twice. But she emerged completely unscathed each time.)

Of course, she can barely see over the back of the chair when she pulls herself up. But that doesn’t bother her one bit. If she needs to, she’ll pull down on the chair back, so she can see over.

I just had two nice, young college age boys stop by my house. They were in the area representing a window installation company. Their company is trying to drum up business by setting up appointments for their “consultants” to tell me how their energy efficient windows will save me money on my energy bills.

That’s a sales pitch that only works for those who don’t think about it. I have thought about it, so I made them think about it.

I asked a simple question: “what’s the payoff time? how long would it take for the new windows to pay for themselves?”

Well, they tried to duck the question. “That’d be a great question for our consultants…”

I interrupted: “Do you have a ballpark estimate?”

“No.”

“Tell your consultants to send you out with a ballpark next time and I might be willing to talk.” I didn’t let them leave me a flyer either.

I’ve done the math on this before. My gas / electric bill is $170 a month. Installing new windows throughout the entire house will cost us between $2500 and $7000, depending on the make, model, and installer. It’s a simple problem of division. Assuming their windows were miracle windows and eliminated my entire energy bill (hah!), it would take between 15 and 41 years for my new windows to pay for themselves.

There are many good reasons to install new windows. Energy efficiency is not one of them. Not even close.

Well, 19 days after breaking my lawnmower, I finally have it back in working condition.

I took it to Stoughton Lumber on Thursday, May 21 and dropped it off. Today we received an invoice for $93.85, letting us know it was ready for pickup. I stopped by on my way home work and picked it up.

As soon as I got home, I mowed a test strip of the lawn. The engine sounds perfect, far better than it did before I broke the carburetor. And a good thing too: our grass is very tall and overdue for a mowing.